As expected: the start of school was insane.  So, I missed September’s post!

But, I’m hopefully headed to the studio THIS WEEKEND with my girls in my discipleship group to make another awesome addition to album 2!  The song I’m about to share date 5-6 years ago, but it is a good one!  I’ve always had it in mind to put on the Old Testament album.  It is called “Pillar of Fire” and is referencing the pillar of cloud that led the Israelites through the wilderness during the daylight, and the pillar of fire during the night.  

This song was written in the midst of a really long bout of illness (not anything super serious).  I had a common cold, turned strep, turned bronchitis, etc.  I was new enough to teaching that I just took meds and kept going.  Then, my dad put me on bedrest over Thanksgiving break, and I spent the next two months going to bed at like 7:30.  It was a bit crazy.  But, during those times, I penned the start of the song: “The night is long, my eyes are tired…searching for the glimmer of light on the horizon…can you blame me?”  I thought that might be part of a chorus, but then at some point when messing around on my guitar, the chorus just came unexpectedly, and I knew that was the verse.  The chorus says, “Oh pillar of fire, I’ve heard your stories of rescue and ransom for all my life.  Oh pillar of fire, will you come be my song, be my anthem within this night?”  

I think that we need to remind ourselves of the power of the stories we hear about God’s faithfulness.  The Israelites were called to do that, and I think we are too!  Especially when things are hard, or not as we expected them to be.  And, there is so much to be said about having His Presence with us in the middle of the darkness.  I think we have strength we wouldn’t have on our own, to walk through it, because He is with us.  That’s the cry of this song.  I’m excited to hear how it turns out!
 Pillar of Fire
The night is long, my eyes are tired
Searching for the glimmer of light on the horizon
Can you blame me?
When my fight is gone, when hope runs dry
Am I standing in the Presence of Life?
Do You walk in the nighttime?
Can You save me?
Oh, Pillar of Fire
I’ve heard Your stories of rescue and ransom for all my life
Oh, Pillar of Fire
Will You come be my song, be my anthem within this night?
Burning bright, bright, bright

Can I be honest?  I have a frail heart
That’s still afraid to walk through the shadows:  I battle the fear 
That I’ve been left here alone
With steps so small, I feel like I’m falling behind
Tell me I can hold to the promise that You are constant
And I am never on my own

Convince me You are here
Darkness with You near
Is better than the dawn
You are my song

Here we are at the end of quarantine (or at least, I hope.  I am praying everyday that I get to start school hybrid!). I didn’t get all of my rewrites done, but wow: did I get a chance to write some fun tunes this season.  New music is always in the works, but maybe not quite as fast during school.  My last summer songwriting adventure was getting a really, really fun melody/music structure stuck in my head mid-July, and then realizing Psalm 1 would go nicely with it, and the result was the following song!

I have always loved Psalm 1 because it was the first Scripture I was prompted to memorize back when I was in first grade Sunday school, at least substantially (more than one verse).  I remember memorizing it, saying it to my teacher, getting my prize (probably candy, who knows!), and feeling so proud.  What a Psalm though – a Psalm that promises that the righteous flourish like trees planted near streams, evergreen, all that they do comes to fruition.  Jeremiah 17 has a awesome parallel passage, along with the drastic comparison to the wicked, who do not flourish.  

At the start, it was just an extremely fun song to write and put music to the words from Psalm 1 in as pleasing and true to the Scripture way as possible.  But, then, I was reflecting on Proverbs and a lot of passages I was led to in my summer study – one of them being Isaiah 11, where it says that His (meaning, Jesus’) delight is in the fear of the Lord.  The wise man in Psalm 1 has delight in the law of the Lord.  But then, that passage in Isaiah 11 comes right after chapter 10, where it describes Israel as the tree that was cut down.  They were not able to live up to the righteous standards of God’s covenant people.  But, in chapter 11, this figure whose delight is in the fear of the Lord, He is the shoot that comes forth from the stump of Jesse.  Could this be the only righteous man spoken of in Psalm 1??  I don’t necessarily think so, because by His life and death, and through His Spirit, we can live righteously.  So, the end of this song brings in these ideas, and it was pretty rad!  Hope you enjoy the big combining of these beautiful imageries!

Blessed Is He

Blessed is he who does not walk          
On the path that sinners take                
Nor does he choose to tarry            
Where the scoffers have strayed          

But his delight is in the law of the LORD     
Both day and night, he is drawn to adore       

Like a tree near the streams        
With leaves evergreen          
At peace when the heat comes        
He bears fruit in season            
Oh, blessed is he              

Not so the wicked for they are  
Like chaff the wind blows away      
They will not stand in the judgment 
Where the righteous will say

That our delight is in the law of the Lord
Both day and night, we are drawn to adore

Like a tree near the streams 
With leaves evergreen
At peace when the heat comes
We bear fruit in season
Oh, blessed are…

But we’ve seen the deadened tree as it was felled      
Our withered leaves littering the fertile ground      
Is there none to revive the lifeless unrighteous?        
But from the roots of Jesse shoots a final bough      
Rising up from the stump in Spirit power          
His delight is the vine we can abide in             
Come take hold of the life He has provided 

For the tree guarded in Eden
Reaches out to all who receive Him
And we are the seedlings
Bearing fruit every season
Oh, blessed are we
Oh, blessed is He

Well, as summer has been in full swing, I’ve slowed down with the songwriting a bit.  But, I’ve been in Nashville getting tunes ready for the next album.  Things are sounding great and we are getting close!  Only a couple of songs left!! Meanwhile, I’ve been working on a song from Psalm 1 that will hopefully be pretty rad, and I have only one rewrite left!  Here is the second to last rewrite.  It has been retitled, “So I Wait.”

This song is from Psalm 130.  It has the famous lines, “I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits.  In his word, I put my hope. I wait for the Lord more than the watchmen wait for morning.”  In my original song, I didn’t include the watchmen idea because I felt like several worship songs in the 90s used that idea out of context.  This Psalm opens with: “Out of the depths I cry to you, Lord.  Hear my voice.  Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy.  If you, Lord, kept a record of sings, Lord, who could stand?  But, with you there’s forgiveness so that you may be feared.”  The original song was far too wordy, but did capture the element of being stuck in a miserable, destitute place because of sin.  But, it wasn’t a hopeless place.  

When working on the rewrite, I penned these words from the Psalm to a melody: “Lord, if you, if you kept a record of sin, who could stand.  But with you, there’s forgiveness, so I wait with the watchmen.”  I realized that the watchmen idea was such perfect imagery by the Psalmist.  I’ve only had one particularly scary instance (that I won’t recall to you now) of being awake and attentive in the middle of the night and waiting for the morning to come.  I needed the morning to come to bring clarity and light to my situation.  Our hope in the Lord in the dark places of sin is SO like that.  When we are in the midst of really dark situations because our own sinful desires have gotten us there, but we cry out for help to the Father: help is on its way.  It is as sure as the morning. 

The second verse starts with, “So keep my soul awake to the night, with eyes set on your promise.”  I had this sense that I was supposed to tie this Psalm into the parables that Jesus gives about waiting for the return of the Father.  The foolish servant doesn’t expect his master’s return.  The wise virgins await the groom prepared.  The foolish don’t.  I don’t want to become deadened to my sin and the weight of sin in this world and not be ready for His return or His work in my life.  That is what the second verse becomes about.  It ends with “’cause I don’t want to be left outside, when Your redemption comes calling.”

But, the glorious part of this song is when the Lord brought himself back into it.  So, the bridge takes us into the parables: we wait with the watchmen and the servants, the oil burning as the virgins wait, all the imagery Jesus gives.  And then God was so good to connect Jesus and His work on the cross and His return with the Psalm: “We are waiting with hope in the sureness of the dawn, with hope that the dark won’t overcome, with hope in the strength of the  Risen Son; Our Hope.”  

The last part of this writing that was so fun was that two good friends of mine were in the writing process with me and helping me pick out some seriously good, but non-conventional, chord progressions.  It was a seriously fun and life giving song to write!  So, I hope you enjoy it!

So I Wait            

Out of the depths I cry
Father, hear my voice
I’m in a dark of my own design
The grim whole of my choices

Lord, if You, if You kept a record of sin, 
Who could stand?
But with You, there’s forgiveness, so I wait 
With the watchmen

So keep my soul awake to the night
With eyes set on Your promise
‘Cause I don’t want to be left outside
When Your redemption comes calling

With the watchmen and the servants
Oil burning with assurance
You’re returning though no one knows when
We are waiting
With hope
In the sureness of the dawn
With hope
That the dark won’t overcome
With hope
In the strength of the Risen Son
Our Hope

Double feature time!!  Some of you may know that I’ve been busy during quarantine (which is now over, but not…we’re in stage 3…I still don’t know what that means though besides be safe and in small socially distant groups…still sounds quaratine-ish to me!). I’ve been working on taking several older songs that I felt like had potential and rewriting them, or parts of them.  I’m actually getting quite close to finishing my list!  I only have one left!  These two I finished within the last month, and they kind of go together, in a way, so I thought I’d share!  

Dreams Cannot Stay Dreams was a song that I wrote before I started my teaching career – during the summer that I was interviewing for jobs.  I wrote it right after I accepted a position.  The first line remained the same: “This is the time, this is the place, my fears and I meet face to face.”  I was attempting to capture the anxious/excited emotion of what it looks like to set out on your own and begin a new chapter of life.  I had this sense that so much could go right, and potentially, so much could go wrong.  Either way, however, this is what I had been preparing for and what God had been preparing me for, and it was time to go make an attempt!  A key idea that got carried through into the rewrite was originally stated “I couldn’t fail when it was just a dream.”  But, you can’t succeed either.  We aren’t guaranteed success at what we do – even if it is something God honoring.  In the rewrite, the end of the chorus now says, “I could fail if I proceed, but I’ll never know lest I believe that dreams cannot stay dreams.  So, watch me set them free!”  This idea that we are called to be brave and bold in love anyway.  It was a bit odd to rewrite this song from a 10 year later position….hoping to still catch the original feelings. But, it was very cool to reflect on what God has done and write the bridge line: “I trust You hold the plans that redeem dreams yet to be.”  This idea that God grows dreams in us, at times, and sometimes our dreams and aspirations are of our own making, but as we submit to Him, he is at work redeeming our dreams.  And His plans (or “dreams” so to speak, even though I’m not sure God has dreams) for us will succeed: we are promised that.  What a hope!!  So, those are the first set of lyrics below!

The second rewrite wasn’t nearly as labor intensive. I knew I just needed to make the third verse and bridge better.  The song took in too many ideas about what is wrong with the educational system (and there is a lot, mind you).  But, since the chorus focuses on wanting to love students well with the one chance we have in a year to impact them, I wanted to cut out all the words I had written about government control over education, educators who don’t care but just do it for a paycheck, etc.  It’s a call for those who are in the same position as myself to stand strong and love well (the song Hard Love by Needtobreathe comes to mind here.  A much better song than mine, and you should give it a listen.  It’s not about education, just simply about loving well) despite the fact that there will be obstacles to that.  Students’ home lives or apathy or distrust of authority can all play into the fact that it is hard for them to trust that our love is genuine.  We still gotta Give It All We Got anyway.  Hope you enjoy!

Dreams Cannot Stay Dreams

This is the time, this is the place
My fears and I meet face to face; checkmate
So much unknown yet so much to hope in
Knowing You’re here with me lessens the weight

Oh Lord, may Your Presence require my fears to flee

If my dreams don’t pan out
​I will still have what I have now:
A faith that’s burning through the trials of doubt
Whether I fail or succeed
I know that dreams cannot stay dreams
So I’ll cross the threshold of reality

Shoulders are set, squared to the present
I see what I’m up against, but I keep moving
Can’t dwell in the past, so I don’t look back
Unless it’s to take in the breadth of Your faithfulness

Oh Lord, may Your vision inspire my feet to leap

As I stand at this chance
Help me lay it in Your hands
I trust You hold the plans
That redeem dreams 
Yet to be

Give It All We Got

Packing ‘em in like we don’t care
No, we got no room to spare
Adolescent sardines wearing jeans
Come waltzing through this classroom scene
I just hope it’s not too late to begin to make a change
In attempt to reverse what we feel

Tripping over the backpacks, walking down the aisles
Hoping that they learn something worthwhile
So few smiles, I find myself asking why
Why they all seem void on the inside
The time I have is not enough, to show them all a simple love
Together we might prove that it is real

We’ve got one shot; better learn to give it all we got
On this timecard called life
Make our trademark loving every lonely heart
Before they give up to get by

You know what I can’t stand is the arrogance
That says some kids are just dead ends
I can’t see their futures, but I won’t assume ‘em
I have a hope for late bloomers
There are times that just one phrase is enough to turn the page
To reveal a truth they’ve never seen

It’s not hopeless though the system’s broken
We’ve still got a platform to meet the need
So let’s jump the hoops ’cause we’ve got to still believe

Now for the fun one I’d like to write about in May!  I have been reading through the Psalms with a soon to be graduate (sadly without a graduation ceremony due to COVID).  And it has been so enjoyable to read through the Psalms with a high schooler’s perspective.  She thinks of things I wouldn’t ask questions about.  We hit Psalm 32 several weeks ago (we are on Psalm 52 today!).  It is the Psalm that starts with “Blessed is the man whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered.  Blessed is the one whose sin the Lord does not count against him, in whom there is no deceit.”  

We had been talking about how so many Psalms surrounding this one have recognizable songs written from them that we sing in church today.  I think of Psalm 34 by Shane and Shane: “taste and see that the Lord is good.”  And Phil Wickham’s “Cannons” after all the Psalms that contain the beautiful imagery of God’s power in the heavens and earth.  After all, the Psalms are songs, so it makes sense.  But, I realized I don’t think I knew a song that contained these verses from Psalm 32.  And what a CRUCIAL part of our faith.  We are blessed because our sins our forgiven.  Later in the Psalm is when David says, “My strength was sapped away…Your hand was heavy on me…Then I said, ‘I will confess my sin to the Lord,’ and He forgave the guilt of my sin.”  I mean, how essential is this to our faith.  It is THE ESSENTIAL thing!!  God must be just, but He pardons sin.  He does so because of His Son, the perfect substitutionary sacrifice offered up on our behalf because of our failures – and He does not hold our sin against us.  Is this not the gospel?  And I thought, “I hope I can write a song about this!” 🙂

Behold, I day later, I had a really happy go lucky melody to accompany this very heavy…yet extremely joy-filled topic.  I think sometimes we as modern 21st century first world Christians just sing joyfully when life is good and reflecting on only the good that God brings about.  But, we can rejoice in this: We have sinned, and can acknowledge it, and God forgives it.  What a beautiful truth.  

A good friend has loved listening to Shane and Shane’s Psalm songs.  If you haven’t heard them, I highly recommend them.  But, she says that one of the most valued parts of the songs they write about the Psalms is often times that she gets to see them bring in Jesus, the fulfillment to what the Psalms are alluding.  What a pleasure to be able to do that with this Psalm, and I hope you enjoy the words!

The Sinner’s Psalm

Oh, it’s the sinner exposed 
Who comes to know relief from kicking against the goads
And I was the one kicking hard, 
But the Hand of Grace weighed heavy on my heart
Oh yes, the Hand of Grace found me in the dark

I hide no more
For blessed are 
Those forgiven of their transgressions
There is no sin
He has counted against me

Oh, it’s the sinner forlorn
Who comes to know his freedom running back home
And I was the one who’d run far 
But when I said, “I will confess my sin to the Lord’”
All was said while held within my Father’s arms

Come let the sinner behold
​He who carried our iniquity; Our shame, He bore
Though we were the ones fallen short
He became the guiltless slain, spurned and scorned
That at His name all sinner’s praise Christ the Risen Lord

My guess is this song might get buried, as I’m most likely going to be posting twice this weekend!  But, it has been my goal to get all the songs I’ve written sorted through and either keep them in my repertoire, get rid of them, or rewrite them if they are old songs that I think can grow.  This was on the rewrite list.  In some ways, I think I’m happy with how this turned out, but in other ways, I have mixed feelings.  I have two songs (this being one of them) that could probably be categorized “cheesy Christian radio hits.”  Which part of me really doesn’t like, because I want to say something real, more than just a cheesy slogan of hope, but real hope that sits in the trenches.  However, this song I wrote shortly after beginning teaching and it was/is a call to be the change in the world. As I rewrote it, I was convicted that what was missing from the song was the largest and truest Difference Maker in this call to be the change:  His Spirit.  Romans 8:11 says that the same power that raised Jesus from the dead lives in us!  So, it is He living through us that brings change in the world.  With that addition, it still kind of sounds like a Christian radio single.  But, I’m just embracing it.  It feels like that is the appropriate vibe for the song.  And, as long as it speaks truth, so be it!  So, if you can take it as it is, here’s the song Be The Change.

Be the Change

I’m sick and tired of this worldview
Everybody singing their own tune
Gotta break the solitude, oh
Let’s pause, let the Spirit mold our thoughts
Let His love realign our hearts
‘Cause there’s only one way to make this life count:
Gotta learn to lay it down

You and I gotta believe 
In what lives inside of you and me 
Watch Him break out who we’re becomin’
En route to spread the love and 
Be the change we’re waiting to see
You and me, we gotta believe

I think it’s time we made our debut
If you believe in the One who saved you
Come on out, this is your cue
Be strong, as He helps us right the wrongs 
Oh yes, as we overcome
So don’t you leave this work undone
Don’t stop ‘til there’s a revolution

Within our veins flows the same
Power that gained victory over the grave
And I know it’ll take just a little bit of faith
To embrace that You and I can be the change
You and I can be the change
You and I can be the change

Well, I’ve got so much to post about that I think I’ll be posting twice a month for a little while. This is what happens when you set songwriting goals for quarantine, and the Spirit shows up and you are like, “wow”.

​The Joy Effect is one of my old songs that I chose to rewrite.  It is from Psalm 126.  I originally wrote this song ten years ago in college, when studying the Psalms of ascents with a small group Bible study from church.  Feel free to check it out – it’s a short Psalm!  The second verse originally caught my attention.  It says, “Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy.  Then it was said among the nations, ‘The Lord has done great things for them.'”  I really liked this thought:  that our joy is not only contagious, but it is noticeably different than how the rest of the world operates.  When others see the Lord’s joy in us, they say, “Wow.  The Lord must have done this.”  I don’t know about you, but that is what I want people to say about me!

The song itself was kind of a mediocre, happy song without much depth until that thought in the bridge.  So, I knew I wanted it to be more than it was.  But, I also knew that I loved that thought and I’d like to see the bridge of the song survive.

So, here recently I was meditating on that Psalm and realizing that later, there is a lot of sorrow in this song about joy. “Restore our fortunes, Lord…those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy.  Those who go out weeping carrying seed to sow will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them.”  God’s people were praising Him for their return to exile, but also recognizing that they had not all been able to return.  There was still much amiss – so much that the wanted to see set right.  Didn’t Jesus himself say, “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness.”  Those who long to see the world made right, because we recognize that it’s not there yet.  But, we can also have joy, seeing what God has already done, how He is bringing His kingdom, and what He will certainly still do.  

I think joy is so much more powerful when looking at it through the lens of sorrow…I think that is what I have learned from this Psalm.  That we serve a God who can bring about the impossible, even if it seems slow coming to us right now.  He is able to bring joy from really hard situations.  Nothing that we sow does He waste.  Here’s The Joy Effect!

The Joy Effect

To see a wasteland cured
To glimpse a gladness born
Inside a soul once filled with sorrow is not unlike a dream
For every tear that falls 
From those who toil long
Darkens earth that sprouts with song and greater things

It’s JOY, up from the soil just like the grain
That shows day by day little gain
Yet over time the miracle takes shape

This, this is evidence:
There’s hope in barren land
Redemption where we have wept
For where one seed dies, He multiplies the harvest

So we watch it grow
Spreading where its roots take hold
Just like a river sets its course to the sea
Can you keep a wildflower tame?
Back to life from winter’s gray
No, it cannot be contained, so set it free

It is flowing from the chosen: An unstoppable tide
Rushin’ down the mountainsides
‘Til every ridge and valley comes alive
As it spreads through the plains, overtaking everything
All peoples, all nations
You can hear them say,

This, this is evidence:
There’s hope in barren land
Redemption where we have wept
The One Seed died and raised to life this harvest
We, we are evidence:
There’s hope in barren land
Redemption where we have wept
For where one seed dies, He’ll raise to life a harvest again