So, I did not write Come Thou Long Expected Jesus…in case anyone was wondering :).  It is amongst my favorite hymns.  It is definitely my favorite Christmas/advent song.  (Side note: Really, advent songs are WAY cooler than Christmas songs.  Christmas songs are all well and good, but advent songs actually identify with our souls longing.  It is the idea that the world is not yet as it should be, but we know that there is hope and restoration is coming! I am seriously plugging advent music.  You should listen to it instead of Christmas music next year.  You are welcome!).  

But, the tragedy is that Come Thou Long Expected Jesus only has two verses!!  How can one lead it in worship as a stand alone song if it is over in 3 seconds?  So, I decided to remedy that.  My goal was to make the last verse sound as much like the first two as possible.  The chorus refrain is more modern, but it is musically as well.  One of my peeps found a version with two more verses after I had been working on a third verse.  But, I decided I liked my third verse better :).  So, may we continue to long for our King’s second coming and I hope you enjoy this extended version of a great advent hymn.

Come Thou Long Expected Jesus

Come Thou Long Expected Jesus 
Born to set Thy people free
From our fears and sins release us
Let us find our rest in Thee
Israel’s strength and consolation
Hope of all the Earth Thou art
Dear desire of every nation
Joy of every longing heart

Born Thy people to deliver
Born a child and yet a King
Born to reign in us forever
Now Thy gracious Kingdom bring
By Thine own eternal Spirit
Rule in all our hearts alone
By Thine all sufficient merit
Raise us to Thy glorious throne

Every fear removed
Every joy made new
In You our long expected Jesus
​All our hopes fulfilled
Every striving stilled
​In You our long expected Jesus

We remain in expectation 
As Thy kingdom comes to earth
Groaning now for restoration
Let us live in second birth
Born in flesh, the Word appearing
Born with sons of men to dwell
Born, the light, in darkness, dawning
Jesus, Our Emmanuel

It all started this summer on the way to Haiti, when my “little brother” on the trip, Brady, and I were talking about Mephibosheth for majority of the plan ride between Chicago and Miami.  He had just done a Bible study lesson on “Mep” (as he likes to call him), and was pointing out what an awe-inspiring character he is.  If you don’t know much about him, check out 2 Samuel 9 (and a little bit of 4, 17, and 19 if you really want to dig deep).  Mep is a son of Jonathan, who was the son of King Saul meant to inherit the kingdom of all of Israel.  But, as we know, the kingdom was given to David.  Now, Mep also happened to be crippled in both legs, an accident that happened as his family fled once Saul and Jonathan were dead, and they knew that officials of David would most likely kill the rest of the family.  Once David establishes his kingdom, out of kindness for Jonathan, he searches for any of Jonathan’s living relatives, finds Mep, gives him back all of his inheritance, and let’s him eat at the king’s table all of the days of his life.

When I was first recounting this story with Brady, the parable of the feast in Luke entered my mind.  A wise Jewish leader approaches Jesus and says, “Blessed is the one who will eat at the feast of the kingdom of God.” In response, Jesus doesn’t say, “Yes…you are right!” (He doesn’t seem to say that very often, does he?). Instead, he launches into a parable where many important people were being invited to a great banquet.  All of the original invitees turned down their invitations, and the servants of the hosts had to go into the streets, bringing in the blind, the lame, the beggars.  And thus, the feast was filled and no one originally invited was at the feast.  Although this parable didn’t make it into the song because I’m already too wordy as it is, I think it strikes at the heart of this parable and Mep’s story, at least in how it relates to us:  Who are we to think we deserve to sit at the table?  Those who think they are worthy turn down the Savior, and they are left outside.  But, what does that mean for us, if we believe we are at the feast?  Yes, indeed we are blessed, but we recognize that we don’t deserve any part of that blessing.  That it is only by the grace and mercy of the king that we have a place at the table.  Mep’s posture throughout his entire life was one of humility.  This song calls me to live in that posture as well.

Most of my best songs write themselves in a small amount of time.  This song took 6 months to write, but it was small bursts of insight followed by long periods of silence or me trying to find the right words and they never panned out.  So, in a way, this turned out to be a song completely born out of inspiration, and it was such a humbling adventure.  My prayer for me is that the bridge is always how I relate to my Savior – I hope it can be your prayer as well!

Mephibosheth

Come sit at the table, my place is set
For I am Mephibosheth
Come let me tell you of all that’s been done for me
You’ll hear a tale of how mercy prevailed in my life
Though great were my misfortunes
All that I am will never forget who I was

I was the grandson of Saul, but then I was no one
Left with no other boast but the man now on the throne

Oh, how can it be?
Oh, what kind of king would show grace to his enemy?
Searching to find me: the least of the least
Who could believe there would be a Redeemer for me?
No longer a tragedy
This is my story

Yes, you heard me rightly, I once was the scion of royalty
​But then I was orphaned
With nothing to show for my name but two broken legs
You can imagine the fear that I felt when he sent for me
From Jerusalem
For what was the worth of a life such as mine?

“You are Jonathan’s son,” he said, “Don’t be afraid”
“There is a place at this table for you all of your days”

Who is this King?                       
Who delights to show favor to those who can’t earn it?   
And who am I?                            
But the most undeserving of His kindness to me    
Leave me on my knees

So, I have the opportunity to record near St. Louis this week for a change of pace!  I’ll miss Nashville and the Kitchen Groove studio, but I’m excited to record nonetheless.  I will be recording Empty Spaces, which I have already written about, as well as an older song called, “This Is Who I Am.”

I joke that this is the closest to a pop song that I’ll ever write.  Because, in my opinion, pop songs seem to be about something deep in the title and then really don’t say much.  The title “This Is Who I Am” would make one think that this song reveals a lot about me.  It doesn’t.  It really just says that I want to be who I am.  That can be a really cultural idea though, so let me tell you the background.  I was in the middle of a really big decision:  whether or not to move to Alaska and teach there.  I decided not to, obviously, because I am still here.  But, it seemed that everyone had their opinion of what I should do.  “Oh, I’ve always seen you doing that!” “Why would you move?  You have everything you need here!”  “You should go!  Live a little!  Be adventurous while you still can!”  “You are doing so well here!”  And to be honest…I didn’t know what I wanted to do, but I knew whatever I did, I would be disappointing someone.  And when God didn’t say much (that’s a different song though for another day) and He let me choose, I was really in a pickle!  This song is about wanting to be valued regardless of what path I chose, and about getting the courage to choose one. But, it is also a bit how I’m indecisive and unsure…it’s what got me there in the first place. My high school students who have heard this song dig it – probably because they are thinking the same thing about their big decisions.  So, there you have it…the almost pop song.

This Is Who I Am

26 years old
Making it up as I go
But I’m about to hit the scene
Do you believe me?

I’ve been chasing my tail to bide my time
Hoping if I don’t go wrong I’ll turn out all right
Now I’ve got too much on my mind
To keep it inside

This is who I am, if I don’t let it out
I know I don’t stand a chance
So, if I tell you my hopes and my dreams
Will you believe me?

Can I admit I’m still afraid?
And what I feel, it changes from day to day
When I’ve got my mind made up can it be unmade?
Do I have the chance to change?

I’ve got to call this shot on my own
Do I need assurance, Lord, I don’t know
In the in between, this is me
It’s who I am

This is who I am
Like it or not, I’ll find the ground to make my stand

This is a song I’ve been waiting to write for a while.  I’m super pumped that it is done and I can share it!  I wrote a song in college entitled, “Speak to Me.”  It is the only song that I’ve ever written that I look back on and say, “You know, I really don’t think I knew what I was talking about…”  It was written from a honest spirit, but the idea of the song was, “God, I don’t know what to do after college, I’m going to need to you to show up and speak.”  It was your typical God-why-don’t-you-show-up-with-your-neon-signs sort of deal.  Not that it is bad to seek direction from God:  It is a good thing!  It is also not bad to desire God’s voice to speak into Your life.  So, what has changed in my perspective?

I don’t think we have the right to say to God, “You have to speak to me.”  He has given us all we need for life and godliness, and when he deems it necessary, He will speak to us.  He may do it in an ordinary or unordinary way.  But we have no right think we have the power to command the God of the universe to speak to us exactly when we want Him to.   

With that being said, the bridge of the song is about Elijah’s encounter with God on the mountain (Mt. Sinai actually!).  God wasn’t in the powerful earthquake, or wind, or fire, but in a gentle whisper.  A completely broken and worn out Elijah needed that specific revelation of God at that time.  That was the only part of the song I kept.  I decided to really look into Elijah’s story and write the song from the perspective of his prior few days before his encounter with God. 

Elijah feels completely and utterly exhausted and alone.  He has been a prophet for some time, has had a “mountain top experience” (pun intended) against the prophets of Baal where God shows Himself victorious.  Still, Israel is unrepentant, content to chase after false gods, and put to death any true prophet.  Elijah fears that he is all that is left.  What happens when he is gone?  Although he is tired and I think there is a lot of his plea that is simply centered around, “God this is unfair, please save me,” I also think that it is important to note that God’s glory is at stake too.  If Elijah was truly the only one and he died, what happens to God’s covenant faithfulness?  Spoiler alert:  Elijah isn’t the only one.  In fact, somehow without his knowing, there are 7,000 true believers still in Israel.  How often are we alone and we need to know God has preserved people with a true faith in Himself to come alongside us as we seek to live as He would have us live?  How often are my struggles with loneliness wrongly construed into a false belief that God has left me without His support through His people?  God always preserves a remnant for Himself.  A remnant is a remaining part of something.  God has a remnant right now.  We are in it.  Other parts of the remnant are in our worlds of influence.  

This song is meant to be a life and hope giving picture, seen through the imagery of the story of Elijah.  I hope you like it!  (A final closing thought about the really cool elements of this song:  the imagery God gave me to use ties in with Israel’s history and it wasn’t intentional until it was already in it.  We/Elijah are a “lone star” at one point.  But, the children of Abraham will be as numerous as the stars in the sky….cool stuff!!)

A Remnant

I feel the weight of the silence
My thoughts betray my fear of the giants
I’m living as if I’m a stranger with those who don’t know Your name
Like a myriad of fires gone to embers and I’m the only one that remains

Tell me I’m not alone
That Your people live on to see Your kingdom come
Show me that hope’s never lost
That from ashes and dust, You raise a remnant thousands strong

This is my appeal; You don’t have to answer
Reveal that You’re here; It’s all that matters
Like a lone star burns in the twilight as the world around’s growing dark
When I don’t see a sign of revival, can You quiet my restless heart?

Wind blows hard at the rocky ledge
Earthquake begins at my foundation
Spark the flame, consume all around me
Like Elijah up on the mountain
I found out You’re not in the fire
Not in the earthquake, not in the wind
You’re present here, though I haven’t heart You yet,
Is that You whispering?

Can You quiet my restless heart?

I haven’t had a chance to write much music for the rest of the summer, as I’ve been recording and then on the youth group bike trip.  But, I did have a chance to finally finish rewriting one of my olds songs that I felt had some potential.  The song was entitled after its opening words, “Dear apathy.”  It continues:  “Dear apathy, I’m breaking free to do the impossible.”  After playing it for my parents, they said it needed to be titled “Coming Alive.”  It is a song that I hope just fills believers with excitement and hope of new beginnings as they listen.

The reason I chose to write this song is because a lot of times, especially in our first world countries and situations, we do not wrestle with persecution or hunger or need.  Although, I would argue we would probably have a stronger church if we did!  But, I think the spiritual warfare we engage in everyday is whether or not to be apathetic.  God has given us a world to serve.  We are to be his hands and feet.  But, how often do I justify my actions with, “Well, I’m pretty tired, so I don’t need to do that too!” or “They’ll be fine – I’m sure they have everything they need.”  As I grow in Christ, everything I once lived for should be considered garbage and left behind (Philippians 3).  It is the comfort that this world pretends to offer us that looks so enticing at times.  But, we are meant to live for so much more.  

Have you ever been on a break or a vacation, and after about 3 days of sitting around doing nothing but eating and watching TV you are like, “I’m going stir crazy!  I gotta get out of here!” I think this song is akin to that spiritually.  It is, “Wow, have I really just sat on my spiritual butt and fed myself garbage? – I’m breaking free of this cycle!”  Which we can only do with God’s help.  His life breaks in like light to darkness, like water to desert land.  That’s what this song is about!

Dear Apathy

Dear Apathy, I’m breaking free
To do the impossible
All Your lies had a hold on my mind
But I’ve begun believing the unbelievable
Wearing down, I was just on the border of
Giving up, but when I turned the corner I

Saw the Light break the darkness
What a sight for the hopelessness I’d found myself in
Coming alive again

My old life never satisfied me
So I’ll face the fears that kept me down before
I count it loss, as I press on
To take ahold of all that I was created for
All that I’d wanted, I leave it all behind
Eyes ahead on the finish line

As the Light breaks the darkness
What a sight for the hopelessness I’d found myself in
Coming alive again
Like the waves in a strong tide
Find escape from a well gone dry inside
I’m coming alive again

Alive inside 
Don’t let this die
I’m coming alive
Wearing down, I was just on the border of
Giving up, but then I turned the corner and
All that I wanted, I left it all behind
Eyes ahead on the finish line

Just got back from the studio where I recorded “Will You Say It Again?” (see prior post), and this gem: “Rescue Me From Me.”  This song comes directly from Psalm 73.  Interestingly enough it is one of the only songs I’ve “given up” on and then come back and finished after a 6-8 month hiatus.  I had been processing a few of the verses from Psalm 73, particularly the pretty famous ones.  Psalm 73:25-26 “Whom have I in heaven but You?  And earth has nothing I desire besides You.  My heart and my flesh may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”  You will definitely see those words come out in the Pre-chorus and Chorus of the song.  But, with no other inspiration, I had a simple chorus with nothing else.  So, I put the song to rest and didn’t do much with it for the better part of a year.  Then, my good friend Emily said that she had been reading that Psalm and meditating on it as well.  She highlighted some ideas in the first part of the Psalm.  The psalmist had been reflecting on life and realizing that the wicked were prospering and, could it be that he, in vain, kept God’s commands?  How often in our life does it seem like that:  we are struggling and evil people (or people who just don’t know Jesus) are doing just fine!  Are you tempted to believe it isn’t worth it?  I’ll be honest:  I’ve had those thoughts.  But, the psalmist doesn’t end there.  He says, “If I had spoken out like that, I would have betrayed your children.  When I tried to understand all of this, it troubled me deeply, until I entered the sanctuary of God, then I understood their final destiny.”  

Sometimes we need a reality check.  I know I do.  What we can see in this world is so limited.  What we do in this world impacts the next, but we cannot see or know how without God’s help.  So, this song is about letting go of our thoughts and expectations in order to receive God’s perspective.  That is how we will stay away from bitterness and discontentment of our present circumstances and embrace the joy in the trials of this life, knowing He is our ever present help.  So, may He rescue us from all of our incomplete notions of how this world works and give us a fresh perspective.  One where we acknowledge His control and His ever present sustenance of our lives.  This all happens when we spend time in His presence and humble ourselves to His will.  Hard to do, but I love rocking out to this and hope it encourages your heart as well as mine!

Rescue Me From Me

This is where it begins
Here in Your presence
As I enter in, eager to understand You, 
Who am I to think I deserve answers
When I can’t even know myself?
You are too kind to give mind to me
​
My whole life is hung on this truth:
Whom have I in heaven but You?

My heart, my flesh may fail
But You’re the strength of my heart
The fire in the dark, Oh
How my thoughts can sway
But You’re the Rock cleft for me
On my stormy seas, Oh
And I will cling to You

This is where it can end
Here in Your presence
Every argument becomes insignificant
Who am I to think that I really know You
When I can’t comprehend Your grace?

You are too kind to give mind to me
As I search the world for the truth

May my desire become only You
The anger inside, Am I bitter and blind?
Can you rescue me from me?
Will I be defined by my stubborn pride?
Tell me, what do you see in me?

Well, friends…I’m headed to the studio again.  This time I get to be there for TWO whole days which means I get to do TWO whole songs!  I can’t begin to say my excitement.  Not only am I excited about hearing the final product, but both songs are packed with some seriously good words and thoughts, thanks to Jesus.

The first of these is a song I have recently titled: “Will You Say It Again?”  I wrote it 4 years ago now, but it will probably be the song that echoes the cry of my heart most clearly for my whole life. When faced with big decisions, I long to know where God is leading.  (Now, let me admit:  I’m not perfect and I don’t seek His will as I should in my everyday interactions and conversations.  I need improvement there.). But, who doesn’t want to know God’s will for their life and their big decisions.  We all want God to say: “Get this job.  Move here.  Marry that person,  Etc…”  He doesn’t often to that.  But, He does walk with us if we believe.  He promises never to forsake us.  And, He does sometimes give us the will to choose what to do when both options are equally good.  Often times a choice he gives us is not between good or evil (although there are some and we know in this case what is right even if we don’t do it), or not between better and best (sometimes He does this too), but often He lets us choose between best and another best.  Even though I think this let’s us express the unique person God made us to be, I also think that some of those decisions really don’t matter to God as much as they matter to us.  God is more concerned about how well we love.  God is more concerned with the state of our hearts.  And yes, this can be reflected in how we approach big decisions, but it is more clearly reflected in our day to day.  Because God has a lot more to say in His word about our daily actions and the daily posture of our hearts.
 
My plea in this song and the general cry of my heart is:  “God, do not let me miss Your voice.  Where it is to be heard, let me hear it and let me follow it.  Learn how to let me listen more and more so that as time goes on I always hear You.  Even if it isn’t for the answers to the questions I asked but just for the sweet knowledge of who You are.”  Clearly this was enough for the great characters of the Bible to act in ways that are incredible.  Some of them heard the audible voice of God, but others didn’t as far as we know.

The bridge of this song was an amazing experience.  I was sitting on the bed in my parent’s spare room at the time.  I couldn’t hardly write down the words fast enough as they came to me.  It is about an amazing set of characters in the Bible who all do incredible things for God because of their faith.  I want to be like them.  And, I believe that the words of God (whether audible or not) are the catalyst that sparks faith and faithfulness in us.  So, the cry of this bridge is the cry of my heart:  “I just want to know what You said to them.  Will You say it again?”

Will You Say It Again?

Just like Abraham went when you called him to go
To a land unknown
Just like a fisherman came out of his boatTo answer the call
They didn’t know what You’d bring them through
But they knew it was You

I don’t know what’s ahead
Can I know that You’re leading me?
With no time to reflect
Can I trust that You’re growing me?
Call my name and I’ll carry on no longer afraid
Show me grace when I’m overcome by my lack of faith

Peter asked for the call in the midst of the storm
Just to be sure
Never knew You’d respond with a call just to come
Out on the water
With one foot in the boat and one foot on the waves
He had chosen the Way
​
I don’t know what You said to them
But a donkey reached Bethlehem
And a people crossed a sea on dry land
Don’t know how he managed it
To outrun that chariot
Takes more than the legs of a man
To sit outside the temple gates
And still possess a healing faith
That rose as he started to dance
To walk into the blazing fire
Not knowing You’d be by their side
I just want to know what you said to them
Will you say it again?
What you said to them
Will you say it again?

Will You Say It Again?

Just like Abraham went when you called him to go
To a land unknown
Just like a fisherman came out of his boatTo answer the call
They didn’t know what You’d bring them through
But they knew it was You

I don’t know what’s ahead
Can I know that You’re leading me?
With no time to reflect
Can I trust that You’re growing me?
Call my name and I’ll carry on no longer afraid
Show me grace when I’m overcome by my lack of faith

Peter asked for the call in the midst of the storm
Just to be sure
Never knew You’d respond with a call just to come
Out on the water
With one foot in the boat and one foot on the waves
He had chosen the Way
​
I don’t know what You said to them
But a donkey reached Bethlehem
And a people crossed a sea on dry land
Don’t know how he managed it
To outrun that chariot
Takes more than the legs of a man
To sit outside the temple gates
And still possess a healing faith
That rose as he started to dance
To walk into the blazing fire
Not knowing You’d be by their side
I just want to know what you said to them
Will you say it again?
What you said to them
Will you say it again?

From the title, you can probably tell that this song will be about Haiti!  Cool thing:  I got to go there with a really cool group of people.  Although I have been on missions trips before, and although I have served a different culture (being in the bush of Alaska is my fav!), this was definitely different.  First, I was on a medical team and I can do nothing medical.  I prayed with patients, but I’m definitely not clergy.  Not that I am saying you have to be clergy to pray with people.  I’ve just never prayed that much, and never through a translator, and never in that setting.  It was a bit intimidating.  However, the Haitians were full of grace.  If you have gone on a missions trip and experienced meeting other members of the Church worldwide, it is amazing to have your eyes opened to how big the kingdom of God really is.  I think with every new culture, my mind will be taken over by the vastness of it.  To God be the glory.  In heaven, it is a good thing our brains can’t explode (at least I don’t think they can), because that will be a lot of God’s kingdom to be blown away by at once.

It was my first experience in a 3rd world country. I also knew no Creol (I am now very proud of my 6 or so phrases that I can still say) and it was my first time attempting to build friendships/acquaintances with people I could not speak with.  Despite these things and the vast difference in culture, it was humbling to note the similarities everyone I have encountered shares.  Everyone desires to be loved.  Everyone can be shown love.  Side note:  putting in the effort to learn phrases in someone’s language is probably the best first impression that you love them.  Also, everyone desires to have worth.  I saw that on so many faces, and heard it from a few of them.  They tend to think a lot of us, as white people. (Which is also quite humbling…we don’t deserve it.). But, they want to be loved, accepted, and shown that they are worth something by us.  But, they need that from God, not us.  That’s what this song is about.  It is my musings along those lines.  

Because of a distinct question that was asked of me the first day: “Do you think Haiti is beautiful?”, I chose to use beauty as synonymous for worth in this song.  I think I said, “Yes, the landscape is beautiful,” and then talked about the mountains, ocean, etc.  It was pretty apparent that my translator was not necessarily tracking with my answers, or it wasn’t what he was asking.  I was challenged to think he was most likely referring to the Haitian people and culture – not the landscape.  And, it is a good lesson: people have far more beauty and worth than a landscape.  How do we convey that?  Whew…I’ll wrestle with that for a while, and it’s implications far outstretch just Haiti.

Haiti

“Is my country beautiful?” he asked
I said, “Yes,” but I didn’t really know yet
That he spoke of more than scenery
As we rode through the streets

Sometimes we cannot say what we mean
Words can be such inconvenient things
I believe I know what he was asking:
“Is there beauty in me?”
​
Seven days are far too few
To spend with those you cannot yet speak to
Never had quite enough time
To answer their expectant eyes
​
Sometimes we cannot say what we mean
Words can be such inconvenient things
I believe I know what they were asking:
“Is there beauty in me?”

I haven’t been to many places
But this is not unique to Haitians
We all long to know what grace is

Sometimes we cannot say what we mean
Words can be such inconvenient things
Help us speak the confession of our need
That we may find our beauty in Thee

I have been in the habit of taking a few of my older songs that I liked, but not loved and rewriting pieces of them. This particular song I wrote quite some time ago.  It was in February of 2011, which was my first year of teaching.  And, my first year of teaching was hard.  Although I can’t remember my exact thoughts at the time, I know that life wasn’t quite what it expected it to be.  I clung to my faith, but I also wondered if God was what I expected Him to be as well.  God is who He says He is, but He isn’t necessarily who we expect Him to be.  He certainly doesn’t always act in the way our human and limited minds think He should act.  So, this song is about me, and my need to take a humble and worshipful approach to who God is.  I should always be longing to know more about Him.  Not so that I can get what I want, but so that I can truly delight in God and enjoy Him.  That will bring joy.  It does bring joy – in my experience.

I still agree with everything I had written, but there was the start to depth to the song, but perhaps it needed a bit more.  I had originally had some lines referencing the time of Moses “Is there death to pay should I behold You?”  For Moses wanted to see the face of God, but he was told that no one may see God and live (Exodus 33:20).  However,  I didn’t do much with that.  God gave me a few more words recently that have become the bridge to the song and expound on that idea a bit further.  Really, I think I would be overjoyed to have my cause of death be seeing the face of God.  I think Moses would have been too!  But, that isn’t God’s plan for us.  We will see Him in all of His glory and worship Him and all of His fulness for eternity.  The work is simply not done.  But, in the meantime.  I want to know Him.  Also, there is a bonus reference to the words of Paul “For to live is Christ, and to die is gain.”  I think Paul gets that idea – to see His face and go on to our glory: amazing.  But, to be here doing the work He has prepared for us: better.

Know You More

Coming back to the start of everything I thought I believed
Do I know who You are?
I fight my way through the dark but the more I fight the less I can see
How did I come this far?

Who are You? Though I fear You I long to know You
Is it true? Is there death to pay should I behold You?

I want to know You more
I want to know what is is I’m living for
For if to live is You and to die is gain 
I want more than to fill this empty space
I want to know You more

My first childlike faith accepted what I now doubt it sure
I think it’s time I made a change

Who am I but a poor reflection of what I don’t yet see?
Turn the tides and show me Your glory

Bridge:  
Shield my eyes as You pass me by and I may glimpse the brilliant light
If it leaves me blind, I know it was worth the moment of sight

Well, there has been a lot of thought that has gone into this song before I even knew I was thinking about it!  (Yes…that is kind of hard to wrap one’s head around). Here’s when I consciously started thinking about the topic:  I was sitting in a BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) leader’s meeting and we were discussing the doxology in Romans 11 “Oh the depths of the wisdom and knowledge of God. How unsearchable His judgements and His paths beyond finding out.  Who has known the mind of the Lord or who has been His Counselor? … For from Him and through Him and for Him are all things.  To Him be the glory. Amen!”  After the discussion, it hit me: there are so many things in life and about God that we will never understand.  We can’t.  God is so indescribably huge and all-knowing, and we are not, so there are things beyond us. “Too wonderful to know” in the words of the Psalmist.  This makes sense.  What doesn’t make sense is that an incredibly huge and powerful God has a heart and emotions just like me.  And, even though we get glimpses of His thoughts, we get His whole heart.  Granted, I think if we felt to the full measure God feels, we couldn’t take it – but, we still know the heart of God and what it values.  He calls to have the same heart, and value the same things.

So, crazy enough, although I spend so much time trying to understand hard concepts, I’m beginning to think that isn’t what God wants us to spend all our time on.  This is who I am as a mathematician.  I want to know more.  And although I’m not bashing seeking knowledge, isn’t that what Adam and Eve were after when they sinned?  They wanted to know as much as God knows.  But, God wants us to understand His heart, not His reasons or thoughts or ways (mainly because in some areas, we are incapable.  End of story).  He wants us to reach out and love as He loves.  He wants us to mourn with others, rejoice with them, love all others – desire their best.  This is an action that has no bounds.  He constantly and consistently wants us to know more of His heart so we can show the world His heart. I am someone who does not enjoy being emotional (especially upset).  So, the fact that I not only cannot know things that I want to know, but also should value the emotions God has given me – that is a struggle.  But, God made us to know Him, and that includes His heart.  And life is better, richer, and more full when we know the heart of God.

His Heart

Oh the depths of the riches of wisdom and knowledge of God
How His plans and His ways are beyond what we know
It’s a wonder that we could begin to wrestle at all
With a Maker that none yet can behold

But oh-oh-oh, His heart longs to be known

Reaching out with the arms of a Father
Wrapped in the garb of a Son
Though we can’t know the mind of our Savior
We can know His heart

Who of us could ever imagine the breadth of the Love
That gives all His wealth to ransom His foes
Who are we but drops in a bucket or dust on the scales
Like the mist here today but tomorrow we’re gone

Oh-oh-oh, He made us to know His heart

Oh-oh-oh He longs to be to known (x2)
So-oh-oh we feel the fall, the pain, the price it takes
To make a way to break the chains
So we can see the truth from lies and know we are reconciled
To His Heart
For He made us to know