Well, this song has been a long time coming!  But FIRST, and announcement!  This song is the first song to be recorded for what will become, Lord willing, album #2: Old Testament Songs!!!  WOO!!!  So, to whomever reads this…I hope you are as excited as I am!

I actually recorded this song back in Greenville about 8 or 9 years ago now, and then there was this organization that connected upcoming songwriters with CCM successes…so TobyMac of all people listened to it!  (No, I don’t know him and he doesn’t know me.  They just connect your music via the interwebs).  He had said it was really great, about an 8 out of 10, but that it could grow. He said I was so focused on rhyming the word wilderness that I overused it and everything rhymed.  So, I gave it some space, rewrote the lyrics, and then never thought I’d do anything with it again.  Until I started recording in Nashville again.  This is the only song I’ll ever ask Luke to “re-record.”  But, the lyrics were so much better than before, and I felt like we could do better instrumentally as well.  And I was right :).  Also, quick side note: TobyMac said that I remind him of Kevin Max!  I’m not sure if I should take that as a complement…because he’s a dude and I’m not.  But, his voice is awesome.  So, there’s that.

So, what is this song about?  I wrote it during my first year of teaching, which I’ve explained was very hard.  But, it was also written after a summer of diving into the Scriptures about the Israelites wandering the wilderness.  As a summer camp staff, we looked at the mistakes and successes of God’s people, His patience, His discipline, His providence, and began to see how we could apply it to our lives and work.  But, then I started my first year of teaching and it was much harder than camp.  Thankfully, some of the ideas came rushing back.  God never left His people without what they needed…even if they didn’t like their current situation.  And even though the song ends up a bit more hopeful that what I may have felt most of that first year, it is what I needed.  Besides the fact that the lyrics are simply better, I love how the new recording of this song panned out.  The verses make you feel like you are plodding through the wilderness, and the chorus, though connected, lifts musically.  Which is what I hope the lyrics are doing as well:  they are proclaiming the truth.  That is what we must do when we are in the wilderness.  Proclaim the truth that He is with us, hope is not lost, He will provide, He will restore all things even if He isn’t at that exact moment.  So, I’m excited about that!

Last awesome part of the song is I got to put the words Mount Gerizim into a song!!  Moses instructs Joshua and all the people, as they leave the wilderness to stand on two mountains with a valley in between.  They are close enough together (and the Israelites numerous enough) that if they yell in unison, the other side will hear them.  Half the tribes stand on Mount Ebal, and pronounce the curses that will come upon them if they disobey God.  The other half of the tribes stand on Mount Gerizim and pronounce the blessings that will come as a result of obedience.  That is my aim: to live in such a way that I hear the words “Well done, good and faithful servant,” and in such a way that we strive for obedience, knowing the blessings of God that follow.  I hope it is sooner rather than later that you get to hear the studio version, but here are the lyrics!

Praise in the Wilderness

Seems like yesterday I saw the Red Sea part
All my enemies drown at the Red Sea’s heart
Funny how soon I’ve found myself in the wilderness
Even out here in the desert place, the blessings flow
I have found all I’ve needed on the desert floor
Here I stand with so much less than I’ve had before
But out here in the wilderness
There’s more than you know

You can’t feel this by word of my mouth
Come and taste it and see for yourself
You’ve got to believe there seems to be more
I know that this appears upside down 
That the wilderness is where hope abounds
You’ve got to believe; come be restored    

Mile after mile, I am lost in the sun and sand
But I’ve learned I don’t need to know where I am
Just to know where I’m going:  that is enough for me
Every step brings me closer than where I’ve been
Every test makes me stronger than how I’d lived
With past regrets and emptiness, Oh I don’t know how it is
That deep inside this wilderness
I’m not alone

I must admit there are times I don’t understand
And I feel like this journey will never end
But I’ve always had the strength it takes to keep walking through
So I’ll shout forth my blessings on desert sand
Even more from the top of Mount Gerizim
As I descend to the Jordan, and I leave this wilderness
I must recount the faithfulness
That carried me home

I just got to spend the past three weeks in Alaska where I was able to counsel and lead worship at a Bible Camp outside the village of Unalakleet.  I have been there several years and written a few songs about my experiences there.  But, this year one of the camp stewards was kind enough to take my parents and I on a boat ride down the river.  About halfway through the ride, I began to have part of a melody running through my head.  I was sure I’d probably forget it – as there is nothing to write it down or record it with, but it stuck with me for a few days until I had a chance to work on it.  A friend had also told me recently that their favorite Psalm was Psalm 42, which has the well-known words “My soul thirsts for the living God as the deer pants for water” and “Why are you downcast, oh my soul?  Why so disturbed within me?  Put your hope in the Lord for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.”  This passage has some beautiful water images in it.  

Then, I began to brainstorm other passages with water references – like John 4 with the Samaritan woman at the well and Jesus tells of the living water – or Jeremiah 2 where the disobedient Israelites dig for themselves broken cisterns, which cannot hold the living water – or Revelation 22 where water flows from the throne of God and the tree of Life is on the river banks!  Another staff member saw me writing and asked about it.  I told him what I was up to and he said, “Don’t forget Ezekiel 47!  The water that flows from the temple that starts shallow but grows deeper!”  

So, a song with simple imagery of a river was able to be expanded into a song about the beautiful imagery of water in the Bible.  I see it as a song that gives our soul hope in the Lord, as the Psalmist asks his soul to have in Psalm 42, because we know that Christ lives and the river runs!!

The River Runs

Why are you downcast, oh my soul?
Put your hope yet in the Lord
How my soul longs for the living God
As the deer thirsts for water

I will remember Your great love
Through the night, You are my song
How my soul longs for the distant shore
Where water flows from the throne
Oh my soul, rest assured the river runs

The river rushes with rhythm in steady time
The river flows ever deeper yet still runs wide
The river laps at the banks that need its Life
Oh, the river runs

Broken cisterns and ancient wells
Could not hold the living water as it fell
Blessed are those who thirst for more
For they shall be filled to overflowing
Oh my soul, believe the river is running
​
It’s crystal clear
As water flows again from the Lamb
And fruit appears
The tree of Life no longer hidden from man
It will bear its fruit in season
And its leaves will heal the nations
And we will see His face and thirst no more

Man, I just love the Old Testament.  We finished our study at BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) this year with the study of Solomon’s life.  (We started with Joshua, went through Saul and David to Solomon).  When Solomon builds the temple for the Lord that David wanted to build, he dedicates it with this crazy, huge, awesome prayer.  The prayer is a plea that God hear His people from wherever they are if they turn toward Him and His dwelling place (the temple).  But, he predicts all sorts of crazy things that will happen to the Israelites (even exile), but asks that if they admit their sins and turn back to the Lord, that the Lord forgive them and bring them back to their land.

What I find fascinating about the prayer, aside from it’s predictions, is two things.  First, Solomon isn’t praying just for the forgiveness of His people and their restoration to their land and keeping their inheritance.  He doesn’t pray that these things happen unless there is heart change.  This is a prayer that I want to be true in my life.  As I sing this song, I hope that the desire to be a new person continually washes over me and draws me closer to Him.  Second, Solomon prays for the foreigner.  I actually have no idea, but I’m unsure if there are really other instances recorded in Scripture where an Israelite, much less a king, prays for a foreigner.  And Solomon prays that they would come to know the Lord as God.  Which I am not sure anyone else was praying at the time – and isn’t that to be our prayer as well?  That others come to know Him?

So, because I loved His prayer so much, I wanted to capture it in song.  But, it is lengthy in Scripture, and I am a wordy songwriter.  This is a bit different of a song structure with no chorus, but hopefully still coherent.  It is also the longest song I have ever written.  So, I’m just following after Solomon 🙂

Solomon’s Prayer

Oh Lord, the God of Israel, there is none like You  
You who keep Your covenant of love with all who in faith abide
Let Your Word become true of my life

Oh Lord, God of Israel, will You come to dwell with us?
For even the highest heaven cannot contain Your glory
Yet You’re here in this house where You said Your Name shall be
Hear me cry, Oh Lord, hear my plea
Oh Lord, God of Israel, when the skies bring no rain
When plague or disaster overlay the promise
Then aware of our hearts’ afflictions and our own rebellion
We turn to seek Your face
Forgive our wickedness; Teach us the right way to live
That we may fear Your Name          

Oh Lord, God of Israel, You alone know our hearts
Surely we will stray from You again, for there is none who is righteous
But in our sins, please don’t leave us

Sovereign Lord of Israel who led us out of Egypt
From the fire yet back into the fire we’ll go for our redemption
In the land where we are held captive, if we admit of our sin we’re ashamed
And that we need Your grace
With all our heart and soul we turn back to You from our wrongs
Don’t let us remain unchanged
Don’t let us remain the same

Oh Lord, God of Israel, you are the God of the foreigner
For we were once all enemies of Your love
When from a distant land we come, from every people and tribe and tongue
Brought nearer by the blood
Then hear from heaven above, even as You dwell with us
That all may know You are, You are God

This is an old song I wrote a while ago.  It is a reflection on all the phrases in Matthew 13 where Jesus says, “The kingdom of heaven is like…”  The kingdom of heaven is like yeast, that when put into a batch of dough, spreads and causes the whole to rise.  It is like a mustard seed, which grows into the largest of garden plants. It is like a field where the sower plants his seed. It is like a net catching all kinds of fish.  It is like a treasure in the field or an expensive pearl that would cause a man to sell all he has to buy it and so gain the treasure.  

Now, I’m not going to pretend I know all about each of the parables Jesus told about the kingdom of heaven.  On the contrary, I know very little.  But, I know that we cannot always see God’s kingdom present on earth, but it is here!  We are to pray that His kingdom come on earth (Lord’s Prayer).  When we forsake ourselves, our nature, our own desires in order to gain His, we give up our lives but to gain the greatest gift – His grace and our salvation.  He then enables us to live lives of purpose for His glory.  And, look what God can do with our very little! Like a mustard seed, it grows far more than exponentially.  That’s what the kingdom is about.  To me, this song becomes a song of hope because it shows us that God is always at work even if we can’t see it.

Just recently, when preparing for a house show, I wanted to play this song.  I was never super excited about the bridge because I had never really figured one out.  I thought that if I ever took it to studio, maybe Luke could do some cool instrumental thing.  But, I was just chillin’ and playing my set list and started looking at this song, went to church, and at church a bridge started forming, and I came home and wrote it down!  I think it adds a lot rhythmically to the song (which I realize you can’t quite get from the lyrics, but maybe someday you can hear it!).

Your Kingdom Come

It’s hard to believe in what we can’t see
Been told this a million times
But even a small seed brings a forest alive, alive tonight, yeah
If we see increase when the yeast inside
Causes the whole to rise
Then what of the unseen right before our eyes, our eyes tonight, yeah
Keep Your kingdom coming
‘Cause with arms open wide we’re running

To embrace the mysterious
Though I can’t see, I feel it come
Fan into flame the smoldering embers
Until we surrender to Your kingdom come
And it has begun

So we’ll be searching like a merchant
For the pearl of the greatest price
Could it really be worth this? To leave it all behind tonight, yeah
For what is concealed in this empty field
Is worth every sacrifice
In time it will reveal a greater design, design tonight, yeah
Keep Your kingdom coming
‘Cause with arms open wide we’re running

Is it here yet? IT IS
Are we not all the seeds at the heart of His kingdom come?
Is it here now?  YES
But still on its way as His Life sparks the fire that burns our kingdoms down

Hot off the press!  The amount of songs I’ve written lately has been pretty insane…so I’d expect a slow down soon :).  But, since this song wraps up what I have been studying in the Bible this year…which went from Joshua all the way through Solomon.  So, this included all the passages about King Saul and then King David.  So, when re-reading the story about David and Goliath (which almost everyone knows!), I had a thought:  Did David feel invincible?  Because he sure sounds like it.  He knows he is the Lord’s anointed and that God will give him this victory!  But it doesn’t sound like he is always so assured.  A few pages later, when he is running from Saul, he essentially says, “I’m out of here!  I’m not going to stay in Israel but go to the land of the Philistines.  If I stay, surely I will lose my life to Saul.”  Where is the man who trusted God’s promises to bring victory as he promised.  

But, this also begged the question in me…is there ever a time where I can be assured of victory?  Now, I realize this question is kind of vague.  In my mind, I’m thinking about  mainly mentoring relationships or time poured into students.  We have no guarantees how students will respond to effort I give to help them succeed.  When I disciple students, I also have no idea if they will keep the faith or turn away.  And it is so discouraging to watch kids “self-destruct.” If I could know what kids to pour into, wouldn’t that be nice?  (I think part of this question was wanting to make my life easier).  But the other half of this question was just genuine wrestling in my soul:  I long to be confident and brave and hope for the best always when walking into hard situations, but knowing that not everything goes as I want it to (or even as God would want it to because He desires no one would turn away) makes it hard to act with confidence.

As I wrestled with this for some time throughout this year, a good friend of mine brought up that followers of Jesus counted it a privilege to suffer for His name.  Suffering is a part of the Christian walk, and they were encouraged because they were suffering as Jesus did.  To desire victory and success is not wrong, but to expect it and then face discouragement when it doesn’t happen takes away from the resilience God wants to grow in us.  My friend also mentioned that there are several times in life where trials can 1) draw us closer to Jesus, but 2) draw others closer to Jesus.  In a time when her family had serious skepticism about her faith, her illness drew them to a realization that her faith was real.  Some really amazing conversations resulted.  She then ended that e-mail with, “Who is this God that brings life from ashes?!?”  So, I have to give her the credit for that :).

But, to close – this song is an anthem of hope for me!  We cannot predict when we are going to see success or when we will face trials, temptations, or discouragement.  But, we can know that the true victory in Christ has already come.  He has conquered every evil for all time and His victory has already begun to manifest itself.  But, even in this time, true victory is the realization that God is taking back our hearts from fear.  We can be brave because we know He will be with us.  We cannot lose what is to be born in passing through this fire.  Any trial we face God will use.  In that way…I kind of feel like we are invincible, right?  

Along those lines, some bonus verses from 1 John come into the bridge.  This is probably one of my strongest songs, and I hope you enjoy it!

Life From Ashes

I’m thinking about David again and the one stone in his hand
Did he feel invincible then?  Or a little afraid, just like me?
‘Cause I don’t always win, and the doubts flood in
And I’m already running from my own defeat

Can You show me what it means that You hold the victory?

Awaken my eternal eyes
To see the hope inside my soul that flourishes in time
With a strength that will not run dry
We cannot lose what’s to be born in passing through this fire
Who is this God that brings life from ashes?
‘Cause He’s never done

But not all giants look the same, there are some that we cannot slay
Do Your promises remain even if I should stumble?
So when the past hits like a wave and my hearts holding onto the ache within
I know I want to be brave again no matter the outcome

Don’t let the fear inside of me hold even one victory

Even when our hearts condemn us
You set them at rest in Your Presence
You are greater than our hearts, Greater than the counted cost
This is all I need
This, this is the victory

So, now that I have dropped an album (WOO! Thanks for your support, friends!), I have been doing a lot of daydreaming and hoping and planning for album 2!  I had already decided that it was most likely going to be titled, “Old Testament Songs,” because I have so many of them and a lot of them are ones that I want to record next.  But, I began thinking it would be really cool to place them in chronological order on the album.  That, unfortunately, left me starting with my character sketch of Jacob, which seems awkward.  The more I thought about it, the more I loved the idea of starting the album with a song about creation and the start of the story and entitle it “In the Beginning.”  And God was just ready to download a song into my brain, I guess, because it wasn’t a week later that a beautiful song was written in its entirety.

“In the Beginning” is about the creation story, naturally.  But the theme that really struck me as I wrote was the fact that God knew what He was getting into.  If we believe He is all-knowing, He knew He would love His creation, but that they would rebel, and He would have to same them.  Some times I think we take the easy way out and explain to others, especially kids, that God made the word, we messed it up, so God had to come up with a “plan B.”  He knew, and yet so much of the mystery is that He decided we were worth it, the pain and suffering and sadness He would endure was worth it, for our benefit and His glory.  I marvel at the fact that He made us in His image and was willing, from the beginning, to save us.

In the Beginning

Imagine the void before the universe
Imagine the darkness before a dawn
When the Spirit of God hovered above waters without form

Imagine the moment before the world was made
Imagine the silence before there was song
As the Father who knows all that’s to come, breathes in and waits no more

In the beginning, He said, “Let there be light,” and there was
With His breathing, there became life out of dust
Setting in motion, a Love most glorious
And it was good

A deafening sound as the waters split
And up from the ground, a blossoming canvas
As Father, Spirit, and Son call to form all creation

In the beginning, He said, “Let there be light,” and there was
With His breathing, there became life out of dust
Setting in motion, a Love most glorious
And it was good

Starlight streaming down from the heavens to the earth
Where new life breathed in, awaiting one final birth
Made in the image of the One who spoke the words
And it was very good

In perfect love, He walked the garden then
Not fearing the fall, for His will was set
The Son would become the One to drink the cup, inviting all life to begin again

Unlike On My Side, I have no idea where I was when I wrote this song, but it was right around the same time, because I have it dated to the month that I graduated college.  It was an interested time, to be sure!  I had been interviewing for teaching jobs, but also had interviewed for a job outside my field.  At the time, it looked most promising.  But, I also wasn’t really prepared for that job (looking back, I am super grateful because I have the job that I want – teaching high school math in a community that I love!). Regardless of what I was doing, I felt like I was “on the brink.”   I think a lot of college graduates think this.  “It’s time to swim or drown now…I hope it is the former.”

Peter’s story in the Bible as he walks on water probably stirs up the most feels for me.  Like, HOW COOL WOULD IT BE TO DO THAT?!?!?  And, although we give Peter crap for looking down – he’s still the only human who did it besides Jesus.  So, that’s something.  But, I just wanted to write a song along the vein of what it looks like to trust Jesus to walk on the water.  This is the result!

Over the Edge
My feet before the moving surface, at my shore of Galilee
From the beach I heard my purpose, when recasting nets altered my dreams
“Come, follow me,” is Your call from across the sea
Visions of greater things beckon me to the mystery
This is the step oh-oh-over the edge
There’s nothing left—keep pushin’ ahead
I’m so afraid of the woah-woah-water’s rage
You have the strength, I need the faith
To keep my eyes on Your face and off of the waves
To know-oh You’re calmin’ my sea
I’ve left it all, all to follow; Hit the wall, can’t press through
You’re walking out, out on the water; Expel my doubt, call me to You
“Come out to me,” is Your call from across the sea
With feet in I’m on the brink of a plan that is bigger than me
If I falter upon these waters
Don’t leave me
Keep me from sinking
Take my hand
Pull me from the depths
I’ll take the next step

Some songwriting processes I can’t remember.  This one:  I can.  It was my senior year of college…I was the only one in our dorm apartment.  I wasn’t a procrastinator and it was Sunday night.  So, I think everyone else was out studying and I was hanging out playing my guitar.  Some of my best friends and myself had just gotten back from our church Bible Study and the Psalm of the evening had been Psalm 124, which I’ll go ahead and quote here…

“If the Lord had not been on our side – let Israel say – if the Lord had not been on our side when people attacked us, they would have swallowed us alive when their anger flared against us; the flood would have engulfed us, the torrent would have swept over us, the raging waters would have swept us away.  Praise be to the Lord, who has not let us be torn by their teeth.  We have escaped like a bird from the fowler’s snare; the snare has been broken and we have escaped.  Our help is in the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.”

Short Psalm, pretty cool.  I remember sitting with my guitar playing a new chord progression I hadn’t used before because it had a major 7 (at least I think that is what it is…I don’t know music theory, friends.  I’m trying, but it evades me) in it.  All the sudden words from the Psalm just kept coming…”If the Lord had not been on my side…that current would have swept me out of sight….taken me under while I was still alive….”  The entirety of this song wrote itself in about 1 hour and 45 minutes.  I remember thinking God must have just transmitted this straight from His hands to my paper.

I got to play it the next week at Bible Study, and the worship pastor was there.  I’ll never forget the look on his face…because it said, “Wow…I didn’t know Pinky wrote songs.”  And then I thought, “Huh…maybe I can write good songs!”  So, this was a huge gift.  It was also my first full band studio song.  So, it may sound a little dated on the album, but I still love it.  And when we forget our place, let us say, “If the Lord had not been on our side…(we would not know any grace or blessing), but praise be to God who has saved us.”

On My Side

The water outside was rising
Engulfing me over again
The flood of emptiness had set in
It was over my head; I’m already swimming
My doubts can roll like waves on the ocean
I have no confidence
My fears were pulling me down
But He pulled me out, rescued me
Set me free

If the Lord had not been on my side
That current would have swept me out of sight
Taken me under while I was still alive
If the Lord had not been on my side

When all the anxieties inside of me
Slowly drain away
My heart cries, hear it rise
Saying, “Here am I, live or die”
I am ready but I feel like I am caged in
I can’t tear down these walls
My comforts look like prison bars
But He’s breaking the chains, rescuing me
He set me free

If the Lord had not been on my side
I would still be trapped in the darkest night
Now I’m free to spread my wings and fly
All because the Lord is on my side

My help is in the Lord; His name I praise
My help is in the Lord; His fame I sing                  
He’s pulling me out
Rescuing me
Breaking the chains
He set me free