Willing To Grieve

Felt the sadness like heavy rain/Saw it coming from miles away/Started running for the sun’s warm rays/But the rain overcame

What a silly thing/To think that I could outrun a storm/When inside of me/The lightning flashes and the thunder rolls/Long before a tear hits the floor

Are my emotions like ocean waves?/Ebb a moment to surge again/I tried to balance but the water’s to my waist/And the waves displace me

What a silly thing/To fear the feelings I cannot control/Who, by worrying/Can add an hour to the ocean’s calm/Or circumvent the dark night of the soul?

Awaken me in the garden /To pray with Thee through my sorrows/My flesh is weak, yet my spirit longs to be/A spirit of expectancy

Awaken me in the garden /To pray with Thee through my sorrows/My flesh is weak, yet my spirit longs to be/Willing to grieve 

Felt the sadness like heavy rain

Everyone has to write a sad song now and again, right? I think what makes this song interesting is that typically I (or I think other songwriters too) write sad songs in the midst of what they are going through. This song came more at the tail end of a season of sadness that had been about a year and a half long. Life circumstances had left me feeling lonely, and, quite frankly, I cried about it a lot. A few times to others, but most often by myself.

The first part of the song was written in the midst of the season, but I found I couldn’t write the rest of it. And, upon making my way out of that season, I found that on my way into the season, so much of my energies were focused on trying to not go down those roads. What I am about to say, I hope no one takes the wrong way and tries to dive into unwanted emotions (I think we are called to be joyful people!) But, I also think some things are meant to make us sad. God mourns over the hurt His people cause and the hurt His people go through. Jesus wept. And, Jesus, our forerunner and perfect example of living with all of these human emotions, did not try to circumvent them or the circumstances God the Father called Him to walk through. He saw the joy on the other side and endured both the circumstances and the emotions with them. Hence, the most powerful imagery in the song above is considering Jesus, in the garden, alone. He had asked his disciples to pray, and they fell asleep. Not only that, but he knew they’d abandon him in just a few hours. Yet, He chose the Calvary road.

If He can choose the Calvary road out of obedience to the Father, then certainly with the Spirit’s help we can choose to enter into seasons of sadness with grace. (The truth is, mourning will happen either way, most likely, whether we are trying to avoid it or not). And, we can place ourselves in a place of expectancy, like Jesus. We can choose to believe that the Father will deliver us out of it (even if by painful means), and He will use it for Christ’s glory and our good.

I pray that if/when this song is released, it can minister to your spirit too. Many blessings 🙂